Mar. 1st, 2009

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I've been so worried about G because she lives alone and is a rather reserved person and I was pretty sure she wouldn't have discussed the situation with anyone, so I thought she might be stewing about it all without any company or anyone to discuss it with..

Fortunately she said she was OK and she sounded pretty relaxed.  She said it was by dint of meditatation and going to a performance of the St. John's Passion last night (or was it St. Matthew's?, or did I just make that last one up?).  She sounded pleased that I had called her though.  She said she has developed the ability to not think about things until she is ready.  I wish I had that facility!  I used to have it, I called it my Scarlett O'Hara syndrome.  I have no idea when it left me, round about the time John had all the problems with the business and we had to move from our lovely house to come to Newcastle, I think.

I felt that she would be all right but asked her to call me if she needed to talk about it, because she happened to mention that she hasn't seen any e-mails, but is leaving them until tomorrow.  I couldn't bear to disturb her peace of mind by telling her what has happened, because she's feeling OK now and I don't want her to be upset sooner than she has to be.  I just hope that when she does read her e-mail, she doesn't think I should have told her.  I think I will e-mail her later tomorrow and explain.  I've already told her how upset and sorry I am.

I'm going to have to find some way of calming down over this;  I simply can't keep feeling like this till Thursday.  I wish I could sleep till then.

In the meantime, John has to go for tests in the Urology Department at the Freeman tomorrow.  We have no idea what the tests are for, since it is as a consequence of a problem thrown up by the blood tests they took for his gout.  I'm a bit worried about prostate cancer, but I haven't mentioned it to him, of course, or Charles either.  I don't know what I would do if John became seriously ill and I can't begin to imagine what it would do to Charles.  However, I mustn't meet trouble half-way, it's probably nothing really.

Keeping all these worries secret is so much against my nature, it's beginning to give me symptoms of the stress anxiety I suffered before I left the job with The Boss From Hell.

I think I shall spend the rest of the day playing Myst Revelation, to try to take my mind off things.  I shall have to start from the beginning again as it's so long since I played it that I've forgotten everything I've done so far, which wasn't all that much.


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