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I've had a few days when I've felt totally exhausted.  My knee has been a bit better so I've been sleeping better, but of course, I have a huge sleep deficit from the last few weeks of bad sleep.

Today was cardiac rehab and I didn't feel that I did as well as last week.  I seemed to get tired more quickly and I felt rather depressed afterwards.  It seems as though I'm going to take a lot longer to get a bit fitter than I hoped and maybe won't be as fit as I hoped........or, oh, I don't know......... And it was suggested to me today that I couldn't go swimming, if ever, until the cardiologist allowed me to do so.  Aside from the fact that I've been too nervous to go swimming since the atrial fibrillation started, it felt a bit odd at 64 years of age to hear that I'm not allowed to do something, even though I know that it's actually out of the question for me at the moment anyway and I'm too afraid to do it alone.  But not allowed??

I suppose, when I consider how long it's been since I've been able to do any real exercise, I should be more patient.  After all, even before I was diagnosed with cancer and had my mastectomy I'd had to stop exercising for a few months while I recovered from sciatica, and the chemotherapy took so much out of me that it's probably three years since I had any real exercise.  I'm so impatient and so frustrated!

The hedge has finally been cut back.  John went out and did it for me, because I was just too shattered to do anything myself.  It makes me so mad to be so helpless!  Nothing's been done in the yard because it's been so cold out there, in spite of the sun we've had.  I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself for not doing the things I've always done, but it's so hard!

At the moment I can't even concentrate on writing, because no sooner do I sit down and start thinking than I fall asleep!!  It's so annoying!

I have managed to do a little rearranging in my room, because I just do five minutes at a time and ask for help for things I can't reach;  I feel a disproportionate sense of achievement for the pathetically small amount I've got done.

Yesterday evening I wasted several hours downloading and installing Version 3 of Firefox.  It was so peculiar.  It seemed to suffer from some form of gigantism and there was nothing I could do to get it to resize.  The toolbars were taking up the top third of the screen and the icons were huge and fuzzy, and almost glowing;  they were so big that there was insufficient room on the toolbars for even the things I have to have there, and that was apparently the size of the "small" icons.  Eventually I did a system restore and reinstalled version 2.0somethingorother.  Fortunately I had backed the whole thing up before I started messing about with it, so it's now finally manageable again, although I still have some fine tuning to do with font sizes and so forth.  At least I didn't lose all my bookmarks this time!
I'm considering trying it again but keeping the file well away from the rest of the Mozilla stuff, so that it can't corrupt anything and then working on it when I have more time.  Maybe at the weekend.

Tomorrow is my writing course and this week we're meeting at the Laing Gallery, presumably to see an exhibition to inspire us.  I'm rather looking forward to it.  Friday I have to work for Caroline.  Her work is now rather behind because I had to cancel twice while I had the horrid coff, so I hope I'm OK to go on Friday.  I expect I shall be.

I'm supposed to be going to a lovely Poetry Evening at Penny's next Monday, but I think I may have to give it a miss.  Last time I went it was so crowded I couldn't sit comfortably and I had knee problems for a week afterwards.  Since I was a lot fitter then than I am now, I think maybe it would be best to give it a miss this year.  On the other hand, I really want to go........

God, I am in a self-pitying mood today.  I think I should go to bed!
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I had a rotten night last night for some reason. I spent most of it asleep, but it was one of those times when it seems to take more energy to stay asleep than to stay awake. In addition, which didn't help, I had an attack of the Megafarts all night following some home-made lentil soup and my back was killing me, just by way of a change from my knee. I woke up feeling as though I'd been cycling uphill all night!

Consequently I've been half asleep all day. I've done nothing except read, doze, mess about on the Internet and watch day-time TV. I've been soooo bored! But there again, soo exhausted. I couldn't even be bothered to cook dinner this evening so undid all my week's economies by having a chip-shop kebab.

The only consolation to a gloomy, boring day was Ugly Betty this evening. Ugly Betty is my secret vice!

I shall have to pull up my socks tomorrow, though, because I have to shop for the weekend as I'm lending Lucy to John so that he can take David on a trip to the Birmingham Tattoo and the National Motorcycle Museum. David's not really well enough at the moment to drive his own car all the way there and back, and in any case, now that they only have one car, it makes life difficult for Alison if he takes it away for a couple of days, so to save him having to travel in John's van, which I find excruciating for a long journey, (and he is a lot taller and bigger than me), I've donated Lucy for the weekend. I hate driving the van so I shall try to get everything I need tomorrow. That would be OK if I could get Charles to be remotely interested in what he might like to eat over the weekend!

I see that I shall have to get cat-food again! My God, those three eat such a lot!

Yesterday I managed to track down the card I need for my digital camera on eBay. I'm supposed to be economising, but I bought it anyway, because there were only two in stock and I've already had a previous order cancelled by Amazon because the cards were out of stock. It seems that digital camera technology has moved on so fast in the four years I've had the camera that it's practically obsolete and can't take anything bigger than a 512.k card.  It's been very difficult to find a 512k card, as most of them are several Mb nowadays.  The card was only £21 or so, but I feel really guilty! I just hope it results in the increased speed that people have suggested it will.

I shall have to re-read the bumph I got with my Blue Badge, because I was hoping to go to the Lit & Phil's book sale on Saturday, but I need to be able to park not far away and I have a feeling the Badge is not only limited to me, but also to the car I usually drive. If I have to get a taxi there and back it rather ruins buying economical Christmas presents. I got some really good presents there last year!

Never mind! We're all going to Barter Books in a couple of weeks anyway.


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