Blackberry's journal

I'm feeling a little better now, although last night was very trying as I couldn't get to sleep from the pain;  I might even have wept a little bit.  I did eventually sleep, quite deeply, and when I woke, the pain was slightly better.  It's still been pretty agonising on and off all day, but it does seem to be easing off now.  I'm OK walking now, although I can't get up and down stairs very easily and it's become a little less painful to stand up and sit down, but that's still something I have to brace myself for, grit my teeth and try not to scream.  I have been swearing rather a lot, though!

I'm hoping a good night's sleep will work wonders!  I wish I knew what precipitated this attack, so that I could avoid it in future.

I'm hoping it will be better by the time I have to go to the Diabetets clinic on Monday to be inaugurated into the secrets of injecting Byetta.  Shiver!  Sob!  Wail!  Because I don't want to have to go there in Libby, but OTOH, I know I'm going to have to walk to the other side of the hospital and back to get the prescription to be shown how to use it, so perhaps I should.  We'll see!

I had a less painful recurrence of The Pain last night, but as soon as I laid down to go to sleep, it went away.

It also seems to be linked with constipation. I don't normally suffer from this because I eat lots of bread, fruit, nuts and vegetables, but I haven't "been" since Friday, even though I constantly feel as though I need to, which is unheard of for me. I'm as regular as clockwork normally.

I'm terrified to eat anything. Today I've had an apple, a banana, an avocado pear and, this evening a small macaroni cheese ready meal. I'm just waiting for the pain to start up again. I've been trying to eat bland stuff, but I also wonder whether I should really be eating high fibre stuff. I'm just terrified that it might make things worse.

Strangely, John has a similar lack of bowel movement and a disinclination to eat and feels nauseous all the time. I don't know whether we've both got some weird bug, or whether his symptoms are due to his back medication. IIRC, codeine can often lead to constipation, and he doesn't eat much in the way of fibre.

We can't be ill this coming weekend after we've spent all that money on outfits for The Wedding! John tried all his new kit on today, and I swear he's put on weight since he bought it. I'm not going to try mine out till the night before, since I have to press the dress and I shall have to hang it on the back of the door, because it's too long to go into my overstuffed wardrobe without being caught up on something on the floor of the wardrobe. In any case, if I decide I don't like it after all, it will be too late to panic and try to do something about it. I must remember to wear the new shoes all day, on, maybe, Thursday.

I was supposed to be working for Caroline today, but I e-mailed her last night after I became ill again and now I'm supposed to be going in tomorrow. instead. I just hope that it doesn't come back and I don't have to let her down again.

I had to spend the afternoon playing Trivial Pursuit with Charles again, but he does seem to be getting slightly happier, so I suppose it's worth it. He's very bored but he doesn't feel as though anything I suggest is worth doing. I thought he might like to do some photography, or get on with his music but he just says nothing's worth the effort. It makes me feel so sad when I think how very happy and active I was at his age, when he was a small baby. He's done nothing at all with his life, poor chap. It really hurts me to think about it. But I must try to keep positive. It's not too late for him to get better and start enjoying life again.  He was such a happy little boy!  He says that his childhood was too happy and that life can't possibly measure up to it.

I'm a bit concerned about my runner beans.  When I first put them in they grew rapidly but just for a short time.  Now they don't seem to be growing at all, although they have flowers on them already.  I wonder if they were dwarf runner beans, if there are such things.  I certainly didn't notice anything about that on the label.

The menfolk have had a paddy today because we've run out of bottled water.  I can't understand why they can't go out and do something about it instead of moaning.  Each blames the other for drinking it all.  I don't care.  I have my diet lemonade which neither of them will touch!

I think I shall go to bed early and watch My Best Friend's Wedding on Film4