I shall say this just once.

[blackberry444]

I have got into a lot of grief in an online community I had  valued up till now, and of which I have been a member for well over 10 years, because  I was upset that someone on my LJ friends list repeated information she had obtained here, in that community, in furtherance of an argument we were having.  She also made reference to my personal financial situation and how in her opinion I had spent a lot more money on Christmas that she assumed I couldn't afford.

I feel very betrayed and upset by this, because I always assumed that anyone on my friends list would understand that although these posts are public, I do not expect friends to repeat information from them in any other place, let alone use them in arguing with me in another forum.  I would add that I have never advertised this blog on that forum, since I don't think it suitable for that place.

The opinion of the larger group was that it was OK for her to have done so because the posts are public, that I was being unreasonable in expecting her to keep my confidence and only got what I deserved because I don't make my posts private.  I have to say that I was utterly astounded by this as I thought people in that community, who have known me online for years, would understand that friendship implies trust. 

I utterly refute their point of view, particularly since she could have done what she did even if the posts were locked to friends only, because she was on my friends list.

I have hardly ever made any of my posts private because I have a lot of friends who are not LJ members but who wish to read my blog from time to time and I'm not going to start doing so now, just because someone I thought trustworthy turned out not to be so, but just so that the rest of my friends understand this, I do not regard it as friendly to repeat what I have said here anywhere else, without my permission.  I feel awful saying this to my friends, but it seems to be the general opinion that I should have done so beforehand if I didn't want a "friend" feeling that it was perfectly OK to do that, although I can scarcely believe it, despite it having just happened.  I really can't believe that any of my remaining friends would ever do such a thing.

I suppose I can just about understand it in  one way.  If I ever publish a poem here, I don't want it being repeated anywhere without my permission, but I really didn't think I needed to explain that to friends.

Sorry about this.  Normal service will be resumed immediately.

Comments

[k425.livejournal.com]

I have jumped on OldBloke in the past for mentioning in Usenet something someone has said on LJ. Two different fora: just because there's an overlap doesn't mean anyone can pass on what they've read on one forum on the other.

Which is to say I agree with you entirely. Obviously I haven't had a chance to say so there, or I would have done.

(hugs)

[k425.livejournal.com]

Gosh, your journal matches my icon rather nicely!

[blackberry44.livejournal.com]

Sorry, maybe I'm a bit thick today, but I don't understand that.

[k425.livejournal.com]

I had my amethyst deceiver icon, and the thick bar across saying "From" was purple. Very nice!

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks Linz. I find that very encouraging.

I must say I was quite staggered by the shed response that

a) it was my own fault for not making my journal private, even though the person concerned would have been able to see it anyway, being on my friends list, and

b) they couldn't understand why I would be upset about it.

I think it says everything about the way I and the person concerned are now regarded in the shed, which makes me a bit sad, but there you are, newsgroups change enormously over periods of time and maybe because I don't "hug" everyone all the time or take it upon myself to assume an intimacy which doesn't really exist, I'm seen as stand-offish or something.

And I have the disadvantage that hardly anyone left in the shed has even met me, whereas the other person goes to every moot. They're naturally more inclined to agree with someone they know rather than that boring old fart from the North who keeps banging on about Christianity.

No subject

[(Anonymous)]

For what it's worth I'm on your team in this matter

Re: No subject

[blackberry44.livejournal.com]

Thanks anon, whoever you are.

Re: No subject

[(Anonymous)]

Welcome. Some people use their acquaintances shamelessly for free help, special considerations and favours. I prefer your attitudes frankly.
Don't let them get you down.

[hooloovoo_42]

Wotshesed.

LJ is not usenet & vice versa. I have some usenet acquaintances on LJ, but that doesn't mean there is a direct correlation in how I use them.

Yes, most of my LJ posts are public, but my account settings on my personal LJ are sufficient that they can't be searched for in the same way that usenet posts can. I occasionally make locked posts because I don't want random passing LJers and other people to read them. But neither do I expect the contents of open posts to be reproduced and commmented on elsewhere. If I want the content there, I will put it there.

Similarly, I expect that those people who know me in RL will not make the direct connection between my various user names and my real name. If you find me online under my real name, don't expect me to automatically add you to any list that includes people I know from other places. For obvious reasons, I prefer to keep work and not work separate.

Ermm..

[caerleon.livejournal.com]

I utterly refute their point of view, particularly since she could have done what she did even if the posts were locked to friends only, because she was on my friends list.

No you don't.. you might *reject* or *refuse* or even *rebut* their point of view, bu what you have done here is not a refutation.. a refutation is a reasoned argument showing references and material evidence to prove a point of view wrong..

Mind you, professional journalists these days seem incapable of realising the difference between the words, so I don't blame you..

My LJ is entirely friends-locked by default, but mostly to deal with spam and serial-friending weirdos..

[cat63.livejournal.com]

I haven't been keeping up with Usenet lately, so I haven't seen this yet.

I must say I'm surprised that anyone would think it was OK to repeat things of a personal nature that you'd posted here just because it wasn't friendslocked. Even more so that they would do so in order to argue with you. It would never have occurred to me to do either.

[blackberry44.livejournal.com]

Thanks Carol. Fortunately it didn't affect my enjoyment of a lovely Christmas.

Just forget about it, I'm trying to. I only posted that because the concensus was that I was somehow at fault because I had never explicitly told my friends that they shouldn't repeat in the shed, or indeed, anywhere else, anything they learned here. I actually think it's rather insulting to my friends to have to say this, because it never occurred to me before that anyone would do so.

I may have over reacted a trifle, but I was absolutely furious, I still am, really. I'm trying to calm down now.

I hope you had a lovely Christmas. I certainly did.

[cat63.livejournal.com]

because it never occurred to me before that anyone would do so.

Me either, but I suppose everybody has different ideas of what is "the done thing" and what isn't. Mine, I suspect are rather more old-fashioned than those of many other people my age, because my parents were comparatively old when they had me.

I hope you had a lovely Christmas. I certainly did.

Glad to hear it. Ours was nice and quiet and calm, which was just what we wanted.

[nevilley.livejournal.com]

AH so the comments I heard from *****, when we met last Monday, about having upset someone start to take some context. I have 1400 shed posts to catch up on before I can make any comment.

[blackberry44.livejournal.com]

I shouldn't bother. It's all over now, no-one has drawn blood, and it's a New Year.

It has had the advantage of making me think about how I spend my time, but that's a whole New Year's Resolution, which I shan't publish in case I can't keep it up.